In the beginning....

It's raining as I sit at my free second hand (but looks unsused) pine desk. I have to admit I rarely use it to do anything apart from keep my books and laptop on it. I had the idea that I would use it to create masterpieces whilst staring out at the green wonderment that is Summerfield Park, well without the drunk black and Irish men who happen to congregate around the diamond shaped concrete meeting point in the middle of the main path.

My first post and like my past blogs on headfuck.com or as I should call it myspace.com I will probably just waffle and use it as a place to air out this cobwebbed brain of mine once in a while. Maybe one day, I will create that novel and finally see myself on the shelves of Waterstones in the 'New Books' section that people often see on the left as they walk in through the automatic doors.

I'm on my period and I need to go buy supplies. I've been sneakily abducting non-branded sanny towels from one of the two lesbians that lives upstairs (just one really - I ran out it was an emergency). I can't tell which one would be 'femme' enough to use ones with pretty flowers on the packet. But I wasn't surprised when I saw a box advertising sun dates (the dried fruit, not speed dating on a beach) that housed lots of non-applicator tampons. It just makes sense that lesbians would use Lilets somehow, more precision with poking fingers in those regions and all...

Today, my biological father Jason Chan is picking me up at 2.30pm so I can meet his mother, my Grandmother for the first time probably since I was a wee bairn. I'm not Scottish but I think its cute calling babies 'wee bairns' its a lot nicer than 'bab' which I have been called a few times and worse still 'babbie' - bless my Mom, I love and miss her loads. I think the finding of my biological family, although it seems they were around the whole time in some ways, I feel like I appreciate even more the working class, very real exsistence I grew up with. I've been having dreams with my Mom in it the past few days and she is alive and living with me in our old house in Dale Road. So I feel comforted that she's not mad at me that I did choose to meet up with my biological father after finding him online. I do remember how much she disliked him and in turn made me dislike him. But everything does happen for a reason. And now I want it all. I do feel healed or am going through some kind of healing spiritually by connecting with that blood side of myself, an essential component to who I am. I used to negate it saying that blood wasn't thicker than water. I would say that blood is an important part of our make up, but we'd die without water too. Water is what sustains us, like my Mom did growing up and even now I feel she still watches over me. I hope she would be proud of me, I know she is...what am I saying!